New Blog

Just a quick update for you all...I have created a new blog...I just didn't want to use this blog for updating you all on other happenings in our lives...this has come to be Emmalee's blog and it will stay that way. So here's our new address:

feldmancrew.blogspot.com

Feel free to go and check it out! Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We sure did! And I didn't even stuff myself too full! Have a great week!

Strength Will Rise

Hi all! Sorry...time has gotten away from me as we approach Thanksgiving...and I thought I'd write today because I know tomorrow will be busy! Work has been very busy, which is always a blessing, but then I just come home and crash...I didn't know I could be such a couch potato! Anyway...last week I think it was I heard a song on the radio that instantly brought me back to our time in the hospital with Emmalee. As you may recall, the Thursday that Emmalee had her surgery they made us stay the night in the hospital...looking back I know it was because they didn't think she'd make it through the night and they wanted us there so we'd be able to say good-bye. Well, she did make it through and the next morning they told us to go back to the Ronald House and get cleaned up, take a nap (since sleep didn't come very easy that night...they stuck us in a small room, with no windows and I felt like the walls could come in at any moment...I didn't want the lights shut off all the way 'cause it was so dark in there...I'm not afraid of the dark but that night I think I might have been...I actually think I was having small panic attacks that night...I didn't want Jon to leave me...if I fell asleep I made him promise to wake me up if he was going to go anywhere...I did not want to wake up and find him not there...he was a good husband and did just that for me...he's so good to me), and get something to eat. I remember Jon and I getting into the elevator and us both saying..."Man...we stink!"...and then going down to the underground parking garage. Your radio doesn't work down there, but as we came up the ramp and into the sunlight, this is the song that was playing:

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord

We will wait upon the Lord

We will wait upon the Lord

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord

Wait upon the Lord

We will wait upon the Lord

Our God, You reign forever

Our hope, our Strong Deliverer

You are the everlasting God

The everlasting God

You do not faint

You won’t grow weary

You’re the defender of the weak

You comfort those in need

You lift us up on wings like eagles

And I think for the first time I realized that God was going to give us that strength...He was going to prove that He is enough...and He gives us the strength as we wait upon Him. I know I've said it time and time again...but I did feel like I had been given this supernatural strength that I don't know where it would have come from if not from God. And I like the last part of the song...we were faint and we were weary...but that's okay...because He doesn't get that way...we need to just lean on Him...He will carry us...and He was the defender of the weak...He took Emmalee Home to be with Him where she is not weak anymore...and He has brought us much comfort. Wow...what a song...who knew that it could fit our story so well...now that is totally a God thing! Well I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving! We have much to be thankful for...and while this first Thanksgiving I know will be hard, we are able to look back at this year and find that God has given us so much and Emmalee's story is still reaching people, and I find that to be a true blessing! He gave us an incredible little girl...thanks be to God! He is good...all the time! Happy Thanksgiving!

7 Months

I still can't believe it every time I write another number in front of the word months...seven this time. Can it really be that long ago? I guess that's a good sign...life is going good in spite of our loss. Time does make it more manageable...and God does that as well. Although on Sunday we had to sing the gives and takes away song...tears almost always come when I sing that song...sometimes I wish we'd quite singing it...but the words are good and I find it's good to cry. Anyway...as I was reading my Bible this week I've been focusing on Romans 8. If you've never read Romans I would highly encourage it...there is so much good stuff in this book. But starting with verse 28 and continuing to the end of the chapter it is titled More Than Conquerors. And although I've read these verses before they took on a whole new meaning for me this week. Verse 28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." In all things...good...can I really say that. Well...yes I can. I have seen so many good changes in people and heard so many stories that yes...although we have experienced pain and wish she was here with us, God has used this time for good. Then 35 & 37 say this, "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?" "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." Wow...I like that. I can see that through times like these people might be tempted to blame God...I know people who do...but thankfully He is right there for us...with his love...I picture him standing there with arms wide open, waiting to hold us. And I am very thankful for the people he sends into our live to actually give us that physical touch...to hold us when we cry and grieve with us. That is His love...in human form. Well I might as well finish out the chapter, although I do hope some of you can take the time to read through this and ponder it in your own lives. Verse 38-39 "For I am convince that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Emmalee is experiencing his love through her death...she is the lucky one being able to be in the very presence of our God. We all have to wait a while to get there. But none of us know when that will be...maybe tomorrow...or next week...or in another 100 years...so it's nice to know that even in life we can feel that same love...I also just want to encourage you if you do not know for certain that when you die you will go to Heaven and experience this great love for yourself in the presence of God, please do turn to him and ask him to become your Lord and Savior. It's really that easy...if you ever need anyone to talk to I am always here...contact me. I know that He is real...His comfort is real...His love is real. I would not be where I am today if He was not. I'll get off my soap box now. On another side note...we are going to a memorial service down at Mayo this weekend for all the families that have lost children this year. I just got an e-mail with some info on the events of the weekend and I counted 22 names on the e-mail list. Please just be in prayer for us during this time. I think it's going to be hard...but good. It will be real good connecting with these other families and hearing their stories. But I'm sure there will be plenty of tears...I'll pack my Kleenex's! I hope you all have a wonderful week...sorry I didn't post last week...didn't have much to say I guess! (Surprising huh!)
~Ali