Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday our dearest Emmalee

Happy Birthday to you!

I'm sure the angels sing it much better than we do baby girl but we just wanted you to know how much we love you and miss you! We are celebrating your life today and so wish you could be here. Daddy and I layed in bed this morning and he said to me..."this house to too quite to be celebrating a one year old's birthday"...it saddens us that you aren't here to celebrate...to see the cake I'm making...or for us to give you your birthday spankings (and a pinch to grow an inch). But...we are rejoicing for you because you are in a wonderful place and you are fully healed and I'm sure you are having the best birthday...better than any party we could ever throw you! Hopefully your brothers are behaving themselves and not blowing out your candle before you get to! Your cousins are going to be sending you up balloons today with messages and pictures on them for you to see...hopefully they get to you! (Although I'm not crazy and I know they truly will not make it to Heaven...we just thought it would be fun for them to do.) Well...just know how much we love you and how much we miss you! You will forever be our little Emmalee and April 10th will forever be your day! Happy Birthday!
We love you!
Mommy and Daddy

P.S. God -- will you please give our baby girl a hug and kiss from us. Thank you! And thank you for giving us a reason to celebrate. Even if she could not stay here with us we just thank you for her life and all that she means to us. Thank you for watching over us this past year and thank you for taking care of our kids for us...your love is amazing!

Monday was 11 Months in Heaven

Well, we've passed the 11 months in Heaven mark for Emmalee. Still can't believe it. Here we go...heading for the one year mark! Wow. Please be in prayer for us as we head in this direction. Jon and I were talking the other night about how last year at this time we were preparing for our new little bundle of joy to arrive. How he was so antsy for him or her to get here. I can't believe that was only a year ago...I feel like so much has happened to us in a year that it can't seem possible for it only to be a year...and yet...it's been a year? How can that be...time has gone so fast. Two totally different reactions and yet I feel them both. Well...here we go.

11 Months

Raise your hand if you can believe Emmalee would have been 11 months old already!! These months keep ticking by! Jon called me on Tuesday (the day Emmalee would have been 11 months) and asked me if I could believe it had been 11 months already...and my answer...no! I can't believe it. Which I told him was probably a good thing. That means time is still going by and we are healing...at least the days don't drag on...at least time is moving...getting us one day closer to reuniting with her and Owen and Cooper. Some day my arms will be full! Until then they still ache. After the boys died I missed her so badly! I just wanted Emmalee to hold. I don't really know why that is...after all...shouldn't I be missing them. But yet again...I had just seen them and had just said good-bye to them. At that time it had been 10 months since I had seen Emmalee and I just wanted her. Also, I think we had more time to bond with her...she was with us for 18,445 minutes more than the boys were. Anyway...all that to say that I miss her...we miss her. Life will never be the same for us. It will be richer because she has graced our lives but there will always be a piece missing...a piece we will forever miss and grieve for. But glory be to God that He has been a constant strength and comfort to us. He may have let us go down this road but He has not left us to go it alone. He is writing a story here and I'm glad to be one of the characters. He is shaping us to be the people He wants us to be. Stronger people with more love to give to others. Hopefully He sees fit for us to become parents again. We would like that. Well I hope you all have a blessed day. Thanks for being with us these past 11 months. And Happy 11 Month Birthday Emmalee. Have some cake for me!

10 Months in Heaven

I wonder what that would be like...probably seems like a second to you but to us down here it seems like such a long time. We miss you baby girl. That statement will always be true. Until our glorious reunion with you and your brothers...
We love you!
Mommy and Daddy

Happy 10 Months

Happy Birthday Baby Girl! I can't believe today that you would have been 10 months old! I know you're going to have a real special birthday today...especially since your brothers are with you to celebrate! That must have been one reason God wanted them on Sunday...for you! We miss you guys so much...more than words can even express. Our hearts ache and we cry for you, but don't worry about us...we will be fine. We know you're in a great place...we can't wait to celebrate all your birthdays with you...together...one big happy family! Now be nice to your little brothers...they are pretty little! But I do have feeling that they will give you a run for your money! Daddy said he could just picture you last night...all three of you snuggled up together...I like that thought. Now make sure you tell God that we need more sibling for you three...but make sure he knows we want to keep them down here on earth! We'll let them join you (and us) when they are old and gray! Again...Happy Birthday Emmalee. I'm so glad to be your mommy!

Love,
Mommy

Playmates in Heaven

I just wanted you all to know that Emmalee's little brothers joined her in Heaven today. Owen Timothy and Cooper James were born at only 21 weeks...they lived for 19 beautiful minutes each. We are sad and heavy hearted...for more info check out: http://www.feldmancrew.blogspot.com/

9 Months

Well we made it past the 9 month mark...can you believe it! I know I write that every time but I still can't believe how gracious God has been to us to let us grieve and yet go on with our lives and let the time pass. On the 23rd, our friends, Darin and Tanya, were actually here so that helped us not to linger on the fact that our little girl had been gone for 9 months. We were actually down at Rochester showing Darin and Tanya around the town and the complex they call Mayo...I know...we know how to entertain our guests don't we?!?! But we do think that place is truly amazing and we found the museum in the Mayo building so that was kinda fun to see. And we took them to the chapel at St. Mary's...if you haven't seen it yet, you do need to go...it's truly a work of art and it is so beautiful! Anyway...we are doing good. Having these babies on the way makes it a little easier, which is what we were hoping for. It was either going to make it harder or easier...I'm glad it's the latter...not that they will ever replace Emma, but they will give us a reason to celebrate and a reason to get up in the morning and they will be a constant reminder to us of their sister...every milestone they have I'm sure I'll wonder if that's how Emma would have done it or if that's how old she would have been when she started to do that. And now that these babes are starting to move more it reminds me of her again. That first excitement of feeling your baby move inside of you...you can't even describe how wonderful it feels! And just feeling them reminds me of how I would look forward to her every move...especially in the end 'cause I knew she was safe and that she was okay. Jon and I were just saying the other day...we can't believe that April is coming up so fast. We still don't know what we will do to mark the one year anniversary or her birthday...but whatever it is it will be special. Well I will let you all go for now...I just wanted to make sure I wrote as I have not written on here for awhile...I'm sorry for that! Take care and we'll talk again! ~Ali