Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Two Little Sets of Feet



There should have been two little sets of feet in our house this fourth of July. There should have been two little sets of feet in a stroller as we pushed them to the parade. There should have been two little sets of feet, in two little car seats as we drove to my mom and dad's for dinner. And there should have been two little sets of feet in our arms as we watched the fireworks from on top of a hill out at Valley Grove. But there was not. The 4th proved to be kind of a hard day for us here at the Feldman house. I remember thinking last October when we found out that we were pregnant, and in fact having twins..."Yes!...I will finally have that stroller to push to the 4th of July parade!" Not kidding...I did seriously think that. Because while I do love parades...there is something about watching a kid at a parade that is way more fun...and I couldn't/can't wait to watch my own kids. And I know...the boys would not have been old enough to enjoy this 4th of July...but they would have still been here...and I would have still been enjoying them:) We decided not to go to the parade this year...not necessarily because the boys weren't here and I thought it would be hard, but basically because we decided to go to my mom and dad's house instead...and I think that was a good choice. I really don't think I would have enjoyed it much this year...who knows...maybe next year. :) We had a really good time at my parent's house...Uncle Doug and Aunt Suzi were there, Auntie Pearl was there, and Sam and Britt joined us as well. As always...too much food and too little room in my tummy...although it didn't stop me. My mom had recently gotten her scrapbook done that she had done for Emmalee...it was very sweet...she had put in her e-mails that she had written to people during Emmalee's time at the hospital...little updates...well that has served as a great recording of what happened...as I was sitting there reading them I had to stop...my stomach was just in knots and it was just sick...it took me right back to those days...and while they were with Emma, they were still very hard days. To watch your baby go through all that...to hear your doctor say that she is in very serious condition...to see your doctor look like he had just had a sharp blow to his stomach after realizing that she might not make it...it was a little too much to relive for the day. So I looked through the rest of the pictures and I'll have to save reading for another day. I know Jon felt the same way...and I think we were already having a hard enough day as it was...it just made us miss all our babies even more. We hung out at my parents until about 8 and then headed home. We decided to again watch the fireworks from Valley Grove...it is so neat up there....we actually saw about 8 different towns fireworks displays...obviously you could see Northfields the best but it was still cool to see the others...even if they were pretty small. And as I was walking out there...in the dark...I kept thinking to myself...I used to be scared of cemetery's and you for surely wouldn't have caught me in one at night. But there is something about the kids being out there (even though I do know that it is only their bodies and they are really in Heaven...I'm not crazy!) that makes it so much more peaceful. And then it was off to bed after that...one more holiday down with out the two little sets of feet.





But really...there should have been three little sets of feet...


(this is a picture I had my sister-in-law Britt do for Jon for Father's Day. It is God's hands holding all of them...Emmalee, Owen, and Cooper in Heaven and Jon here down on earth...I think she did a fabulous job...thanks Britt)

7 comments:

Candie said...

What beautiful pictures!! Britt is an amazing artist! You are always in my thoughts and prayers.

dhappyfreed said...

Holy tear jerker Batman! What a sweet and somber post. What a beautiful picture Britt drew...there are no words to put to the idea of drawing that and to seeing it done. Incredible.
Love you guys!
Praying for you and your hard days.
**((HUGS))**
Danielle

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing your feelings Ali. It is easy for us to forget the little things that are so important to parents. Thanks for letting us see Britt's drawing. It is an amazing picture-'course I always knew she was talented! Lynne

Anonymous said...

Tell Britt the picture is beautiful! It brings tears to my eyes and yet I hope peace for Jon and you knowing God is holding those precious little babies!!!!
You are still in our thoughts and prayers, I am curious to see how your story will continue, I know God is not done with your special family!
Cayla

Anonymous said...

What I wouldn't give for all those little feet running around my house! I love Danielle's Batman reference...I miss that crazy gal! I love you so much and love how you continue to let God mold and shape you through all this heartache...keep trusting and hoping!

Big hugs,
Mom

Emily said...

What a great picture! Love it! How talented she is...

Hope you are doing well! Thanks for the updates. Your blog looks great!

Anonymous said...

Ali... I can't tell u enough how I appreciate and love u for sharing all of your heart and feelings. U have really been a rock for my sister and her husband to hold onto during their time with Emma. Thank u for posting on her facebook about the ronald mcdonald house. that place is truly a god send! I love britt's picture!! she is the best