A Time to Reflect

Hi all! I know it's been 2 weeks since I've written but I think Sam did such a good job on the video of Emmalee's service I thought I'd just leave you all with that. It was so good to watch that...we haven't felt like watching the full video yet so to see the clips Sam put together was very good for us. I've just been thinking a lot lately as to why we had to go through this...why we had to lose our baby girl. I don't know if I have totally figured out the answer to that...and who knows...maybe I never will. But God has really been revealing to me that He has asked us to walk down this road. I was reminded by a dear friends mom about the story of Hannah in the Bible (thanks Cathy). Here Hannah wanted a baby so bad that she promised God that if He would just let her have a baby then she would give her baby back to Him. I remember telling God that I would just love the chance to be pregnant....I just wanted to know what that felt like. I know some of you know that Jon and I went through our share of troubles getting pregnant and finally got pregnant through fertility drugs...although it took us a while even using those. So, I think it's such a blessing that I was able to carry Emmalee...I know some of you haven't ever been able to carry your own children but I am also reminded that God will give us our children in different ways and that each way is a blessing. So back to Hannah. She was given her child and his name was Samuel and she did give him back to God. She took him down to the priest and presented him to God for God's service. We were able to have Emmalee...and believe me...there were plenty of days and nights where I didn't think we were going to be able to have children...sometimes it seemed like an impossible thing...even thinking about adoption seemed impossible to me. But I knew that God knew the desires of our hearts and that some way He would give us a child to love and we prayed that God would give us children and that they would come to know Him at an early age. Well as we all know, God did give us the desire of our heart with little Emmalee's life. Oh, I can't even tell you how fast I fell in love with that little girl. I thought I loved her the whole time she was in my tummy but when I first saw her, I melted. I'm sure all of you have felt the same way. I was even talking to a guy who has adopted his children. He said from the moment his kids were put into his arms, he loved them. I think that is so awesome that God gives us the capacity to love someone that much. I think how great is His love for us that we should be called sons and daughters of Him! And as we all know as well, God asked us to give Emmalee over to His service. He decided to use her little life to bring glory to Him...to tell others about Him. Some of you reading this may not know Him like I do and I pray that someday you will. He uses us all differently...He used Hannah's son Samuel to be a prophet to the people...God actually talked audibly to Samuel...can you even imagine? Hearing God's voice loud and clear! Wow...I can't imagine that. He's done more with little Emma's life than He's done with mine...sometimes He uses us for a very short time...others of us it takes our whole life to accomplish His purposes. And for those of us who have to give up our children He gives us hope that we will see them again and He helps us with our grieving. He is good...all the time. And this is the part that I love about the story of Hannah...it says in 1 Samuel 2:20-21

"And Eli would bless Elkanah and his wife, and say, 'The Lord give you descendants from this woman for the loan that was given to the Lord.' Then they would go to their own home. And the Lord visited Hannah, so that she conceived and bore three sons and two daughters. Meanwhile the child Samuel grew before the Lord."

Pretty neat huh! Because of their sacrifice they were rewarded greatly. Thinking back to our last moments with Emma, I remember saying as they were turning off her machine, "Lord, here's our daughter. We give her to you." or something like that...I can't quite remember...it's a little fuzzy for me...maybe I didn't even say it but I do remember thinking it. It was like I was saying...thank you for letting me have her for a little while...for letting me get to know her...I don't know why you need her back but here she is...she is yours Lord. I was also reminded of a quote my mom gave me when we were still trying to get pregnant...I thought it had significant meaning back then but it has even more meaning to me now...it came out of her Beth Moore Bible Study...it goes like this:

"A plan of profound importance exists that sometimes overrides the miracle we desperately desire."

I thought this was so true of our experience. We wanted so much for the miracle to be that Emmalee got to be healed here on earth...I didn't realize her miracle would be her complete healing in Heaven. I can't wait to see the plan played out! Take care all...I will talk to you all later!

P.S. I sent out the DVD's of Emmalee's service to all of you that asked for them...if you don't get it by next week e-mail me again...it probably means I forgot to send you your copy! And if anyone else still wants one I do have more copies...just let me know.

Oh...and for all of you who were wondering about my little lump...I did start on the antibiotics yesterday...I had to make sure that I wasn't pregnant (I didn't think I would be but they just want you to be sure...surprise, surprise...I wasn't) and so far today the lump already seems a lot smaller...Jon even thinks it's close to gone...so maybe the doctor was right and it was just hard from all the acne on my face...and the acne seems to be going away already too...yea! So...I'll keep you posted but all looks good for now!