I can't believe it's been 2 weeks since that awful day....the day we really didn't want to come but knew it would have to. The day that Emmalee was happy and we were sad. The day she got her complete healing and we began to start ours. It was another day for most people and today is another day and yet as I sit here I can't help but be sad as I think back on all the details of the last few weeks. We had such good times with her. We watched the video that we taped of her during her life last night...boy did that bring on the tears. Some were happy and some were very sad. Someone was taping the last minutes of everyone saying good-bye to Emma...that was hard. But no one taped her last seconds on earth...at first I was kinda disappointed that we didn't have those last seconds and then I came to the conclusion that it's probably best left just in the memories of those that were there...we don't need to see that over and over...I'll just remember it...it was the perfect way for her to leave us...one last squeeze of Jon's and my hands and just slowly sinking out of this life. Like I had said before...leaving her daddy's arms and into the arms of Jesus. I like that picture. You know I think times like these people begin to talk about death a lot more and wonder what it's all about...do we look the same...do we age in heaven...can we watch what's going on down on earth? I've decided that Emmalee is still a baby and will stay that way until I get up there and can watch her grow. I don't know if that's true or not but that's what I'm going to choose to believe and I think that's okay because really none of us really know and who's to say I'm right or wrong. I think this issue is one of those that everyone can debate about but no one is really right or wrong and it's an issue that won't change your salvation whether you believe one way or the other. Anyways...I'll get off that issue. I told Jon that another thing that I realized is that I'm going to be one of those people...you know...when something like this happens again...when a parent looses a child I will be able to say..."I know how you feel"...and I really don't want to be one of those people! I don't want to know how they feel! But I do and I just pray God will be able to use me to bring comfort to someone else when they need it. So many have shared their stories with us and brought us comfort...I just hope I can do the same . Well I think I'll close for now. Thanks for letting me share my heart with all of you. I know this road is going to be hard but it's amazes me that I am finding an inner strength to help me get through this...that strength can only come from God, who I remind myself, is good all the time. He doesn't bring you through situations for no purpose and through times that you won't be able to handle. So I will continue to walk this road and be excited for what God has for Jon and I to come. But don't worry...I will continue to cry and grieve at the same time...it's all part of the process.
P.S. Jon went back to work today. He was going to go back on Monday but he wasn't feeling good and so he took a couple more days off. Thank goodness...I don't think I was ready for him to be gone yet. We've been together everyday for almost 4 weeks now! And if Jon wasn't there someone was always with me. It feels kind of weird being by myself...I'm not sure I like it...it seems like the tears are more ready to flow now that no one is around. But give me a few days of this and I'll be okay...it's just the start of getting back to "normal".