Tuesday, May 13, 2008
We're doing good
Hi all! Just wanted to put a quick (yeah right) update on here for you all to let you know that we are doing good. Not a day goes by where we don't think of Emma and miss her like crazy but we have also have been able to get up each day and make the most of it! It helps that we have family and friends around that have been so supportive and those of you who don't live around here we know you've been thinking and praying for us and just knowing we have that kind of support makes it easier for us! God's grace has been so good to us. You know I've been sad but I have never felt angry or mad about this whole situation. I have not yelled out to God, "Why? Why me? Why us?" Because why not us? Why couldn't something like this happen to us? God doesn't say we can't question His decisions but for me during this time I don't think it will help me deal. God knows everything. He knew how long Emma would be here on earth...He knew what joy she'd bring all of us...and He knew He wanted her home and that we would hurt but He is good all the time and will help us get through. And if any of you have any doubts I just want you to know that I don't, and I know God will use Emma's life here on earth and her death to bring something so good and amazing out of it. I just am going to enjoy sitting back and watching it happen. And it may not be today, tomorrow, or even next week....it might be years down the road before we see why God chose to bring us down this road so for now we will just walk and continue to follow Him. My mom recently just told me that she thinks it is amazing that God trusted us with Emmalee and trusted us that we could handle this situation. Whoa...that was powerful to me because I think trust is a huge thing. A lot of us have trust issues...I know at times I do. And to think that God trusted me with a huge situation like this...knowing that I could take care of Emmalee while she was inside, knowing that Jon and I could take care of her in the hospital, knowing that Jon and I could listen and make the decision to let her go home, and knowing that we would be able to handle losing her and giving God the glory in it all (we are still sad and miss her but we know her life served a greater purpose). Trust...wow...I just pray that when I get to heaven I hear those all important words..."Well done, good and faithful servant." Now some of you might be sitting here reading this and think...oh this is nice Ali...whatever will get you through you can choose to believe this. But I just want to tell you that this faith of mine is real! I serve a God that is real yesterday, today, tomorrow, and forever. This isn't a sugar coated thing to just help me get by. If you don't know God and faith like this I pray that you will want to know it. I can't imagine getting through losing my daughter without knowing that He cares for me and that He is with me. If you ever want to talk to me about it, I would love to talk to you about my God! And He knows what it is like to lose a child. I have been reminding myself about this all week. God sent His only Son down to earth to die for all of our sins. That is an amazing sacrifice! It's like that story I heard many years ago...A father brought his son to work one day. He was the operator for the lift bridge and when the train would come he would lower the bridge so that the train could cross. Well pretty soon here the train came and he needed to lower the bridge...just before he was about to push the lever he saw his son over there playing under the bridge...he yelled over there for his son to get out of there but the son couldn't hear him. He needed to make a decision. If he didn't lower the bridge all those people on the passenger train would die but if he did, his son would die. Well he knew his son would have to die so that all those people could live. And he pushed the lever and cried as he watched the bridge come down and the train crossed with the people waving, never knowing what this man's son sacrificed so that they may live. Just something to ponder... Well I'll close for now...told you it wouldn't be real quick! I don't know what happens but when I sit down to write I just can't stop! I think I should write a book! Well I hope all of you are doing good...thank you for continuing to lift us up in prayer and for thinking of us! Oh...thank you all for the Mother's Day wishes. It was a good day...a little hard in the morning...I have my husband to thank for that...he wrote me such a nice card! I had a hard time remembering that I am a mother...I kept saying that I was a mother...that's still a thought that gets me (I think that's my way of feeling sorry for myself...something I don't want to do but I think we all can fall into that trap sometimes) but Jon does a good job of reminding me that I will always be a mom. But on Mother's Day we took my mom out for lunch and then we went down to Jon's parents farm and we planted a tree that some of my relatives gave us to remind us of Emmalee...a flowering crab that will flower in the spring and remind us of the beautiful girl that God gave us in the spring of 2008! Thank you all for that tree! Well I'll write later...thank for reading and thank you all again for all of your support!