Tuesday, May 13, 2008

We're doing good

Hi all! Just wanted to put a quick (yeah right) update on here for you all to let you know that we are doing good. Not a day goes by where we don't think of Emma and miss her like crazy but we have also have been able to get up each day and make the most of it! It helps that we have family and friends around that have been so supportive and those of you who don't live around here we know you've been thinking and praying for us and just knowing we have that kind of support makes it easier for us! God's grace has been so good to us. You know I've been sad but I have never felt angry or mad about this whole situation. I have not yelled out to God, "Why? Why me? Why us?" Because why not us? Why couldn't something like this happen to us? God doesn't say we can't question His decisions but for me during this time I don't think it will help me deal. God knows everything. He knew how long Emma would be here on earth...He knew what joy she'd bring all of us...and He knew He wanted her home and that we would hurt but He is good all the time and will help us get through. And if any of you have any doubts I just want you to know that I don't, and I know God will use Emma's life here on earth and her death to bring something so good and amazing out of it. I just am going to enjoy sitting back and watching it happen. And it may not be today, tomorrow, or even next week....it might be years down the road before we see why God chose to bring us down this road so for now we will just walk and continue to follow Him. My mom recently just told me that she thinks it is amazing that God trusted us with Emmalee and trusted us that we could handle this situation. Whoa...that was powerful to me because I think trust is a huge thing. A lot of us have trust issues...I know at times I do. And to think that God trusted me with a huge situation like this...knowing that I could take care of Emmalee while she was inside, knowing that Jon and I could take care of her in the hospital, knowing that Jon and I could listen and make the decision to let her go home, and knowing that we would be able to handle losing her and giving God the glory in it all (we are still sad and miss her but we know her life served a greater purpose). Trust...wow...I just pray that when I get to heaven I hear those all important words..."Well done, good and faithful servant." Now some of you might be sitting here reading this and think...oh this is nice Ali...whatever will get you through you can choose to believe this. But I just want to tell you that this faith of mine is real! I serve a God that is real yesterday, today, tomorrow, and forever. This isn't a sugar coated thing to just help me get by. If you don't know God and faith like this I pray that you will want to know it. I can't imagine getting through losing my daughter without knowing that He cares for me and that He is with me. If you ever want to talk to me about it, I would love to talk to you about my God! And He knows what it is like to lose a child. I have been reminding myself about this all week. God sent His only Son down to earth to die for all of our sins. That is an amazing sacrifice! It's like that story I heard many years ago...A father brought his son to work one day. He was the operator for the lift bridge and when the train would come he would lower the bridge so that the train could cross. Well pretty soon here the train came and he needed to lower the bridge...just before he was about to push the lever he saw his son over there playing under the bridge...he yelled over there for his son to get out of there but the son couldn't hear him. He needed to make a decision. If he didn't lower the bridge all those people on the passenger train would die but if he did, his son would die. Well he knew his son would have to die so that all those people could live. And he pushed the lever and cried as he watched the bridge come down and the train crossed with the people waving, never knowing what this man's son sacrificed so that they may live. Just something to ponder... Well I'll close for now...told you it wouldn't be real quick! I don't know what happens but when I sit down to write I just can't stop! I think I should write a book! Well I hope all of you are doing good...thank you for continuing to lift us up in prayer and for thinking of us! Oh...thank you all for the Mother's Day wishes. It was a good day...a little hard in the morning...I have my husband to thank for that...he wrote me such a nice card! I had a hard time remembering that I am a mother...I kept saying that I was a mother...that's still a thought that gets me (I think that's my way of feeling sorry for myself...something I don't want to do but I think we all can fall into that trap sometimes) but Jon does a good job of reminding me that I will always be a mom. But on Mother's Day we took my mom out for lunch and then we went down to Jon's parents farm and we planted a tree that some of my relatives gave us to remind us of Emmalee...a flowering crab that will flower in the spring and remind us of the beautiful girl that God gave us in the spring of 2008! Thank you all for that tree! Well I'll write later...thank for reading and thank you all again for all of your support!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am sitting reading today's journal with Michael Card's CD playing in the background. The same one playing the day Emma left us. It made me cry before I knew Emma and now it has even more meaning and memories every time I hear it! Even though her time with us was short, I sure miss her so much!!!!
You guys have been an encouragement seeing how you have put your whole trust in God and the peace God has given you both in return. love you both, gretchen

Anonymous said...

Amen!

Love you,
Judy and Steve

Jonathan, Amanda & Luke said...

You are amazing, Ali. Your faith is so encouraging.

Karen & Chad said...

You SHOULD write a book!!! Seriously! I have been thinking that as I have been reading your blogs. Your faith and your experience has and will continue to minister to so many families out there....maybe a book is part of that too. Author Ali Feldman...it sounds nice.

Anonymous said...

Way to go Ali!! I got so excited reading your entry. I was jumping up & down saying, "preach it!" That is why God chose you & Jon to walk this path. He knew you would glorify Him no matter what. Like I said in my email to you, He will bless you immensely for your faithfulness to Him.

Candie

Anonymous said...

Ali,
This is Danyelle Barker(formerly Sofolo). I just recently heard about your situation and your blog from an acquaintance of mine who's husband is a good friend of yours. I have read your blog entries and I have been blown away. So many emotions have flooded me. I love your heart and am so amazed by Gods grace and faithfulness to you guys and even more blessed by your testimony. I pray that He would continue to be with both of you during this time that I myself haven't even been able to wrap my mind around. God has shown me through your situation that I have a long way to go in learning how to trust Him. I have so much more to say, but I will leave it at that. Know that you have been an encouragement to people who you never even imagined you would touch.
I would love to hear from you...You can email me at Sofolo99@yahoo.com. (I married someone I think you used to know and his brother and sister-in-law go to the church you used to go to in Sterling. Small world!) God Bless
Danyelle

Anonymous said...

Thank you for reminding all of us that God is everything we need. Reading your updates always makes me cry, but talking to people who ask about you and telling them about your wonderful and true faith makes me feel better, and I know God is there for you! I am also glad you two are so strong together. Love Lynne

Anonymous said...

Blessings Ali and Jon! You are surely God's choicest and His love in you is evident! You may never know the far reaching affect of your testimony through the life of Emmalee this side of heaven but one day - one glorious day . . .
May God continue to minister to your heart and soul in these days and all to follow. Jeremiah 29:11-12. Much love, mary

emily proctor said...

Ali,
I was thinking of you this Mother's Day and how difficult it might be fore you. But you truly will always be a MOM! Those feelings of grief and joy are all because of a tiny little blessing that made you a mom! YEAH! God wants to work in you in ways that he could not if you were not a Mother.
Thanks for the blog updates. I do think you should write a book! (Put all those classes on communication to good use!!!). You just share so openly and it just flows. I love what you had to share today about your faith.
Keep being faithful! Love to you and Jon,
Emily