Monday, May 19, 2008

Stretch Marks

Well this is going to be an insightful blog post! Ha…yeah right. I just wanted to share with you something that came to me. I just wanted to tell you all that I got stretch marks right away when my belly started getting big. Big ole stretch marks front and center, all around my belly button. I definitely didn’t have one of those smooth bellies that people take pictures of. You wouldn’t have been allowed near me with a camera. But I didn’t mind them…no one else was going to see them…and let’s face it…I’ve never really had a belly I was going to show off anyway. So bring on the marks. I think that my skin is just more prone to getting stretch marks…I had them when I was growing up even when I would take a growth spurt. And I am one that never cared whether I had them or not. I remember sitting in class in high school and having two girls talking about not wanted to get stretch marks when they get pregnant and I remember thinking that this should be the least of their worries. How dumb. Anyway…moving on. I just wanted to share all this with you because I realize that I like my stretch marks! It shows me exactly where Emmalee lived for 9 months and it’s a good reminder to me that she was a part of me and will always be! I told Jon that I think she knew her momma would never get a tattoo with her name on it so she wanted me to have a reminder of her on my body and therefore I got the marks! I know…it’s silly but I think it’s a nice thought…and I do think of her every time I see them! I also think it reminds me of the year that I was stretched. Mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I would have never thought that I could get through a time like this but I have come through it and I’m still standing. I remember the Tuesday before we said good-bye to Emmalee, Jon and I went for a walk in Mayo’s peace gardens and I remember telling him that I could not plan a funeral. It was something that I thought I physically and emotionally could not do! And I couldn’t sit through a funeral for my daughter…it would be too hard! I didn’t want to. That was something I didn’t want to do! But you know what…when it came right down to it, I could do it…I did it. And I enjoyed planning a service that I thought would be glorifying to God and a service that I thought would show how special our little girl was to us! I wanted her service to be so special for her. She deserved it! And I think her service was just perfect…and I got through it. I was stretched and I found the strength. It’s good to go through times in your life when you can get stretched. It’s when you find out what you are made of and I think personally it makes you a better person…at least that has been the case for Jon and me. Well I think that’s all I have for now. Just another side note…we finally picked out a rock to use as Emma’s headstone. It’s one from the rock pile Jon and Matt have out at the farm and it’s really pretty. It is mostly pink and then on the side it is a grayish black with a white swirl going through it. And then we are going to have a guy sandblast all her information into it. We still have to decide what we are going to put on it exactly but he thinks we might be able to even put her picture on it. That would be cute! Anyway…that’s all for now. We are still doing well. There aren’t any bad days but there are days that have sad moments. Little things can trigger the tears but those tears are almost cleansing. It feels good, if that makes sense, to be able to remember her…to cry about her…and to remember that we have the hope that we will see our baby girl again and that God has great plans for our future! So in all I am thankful that I have been stretched and that I have a reminder that says to me…Emma was here! Love to all.

By the way…I have added my e-mail address to the side bar ( --> ) in case any of you wanted to write me and didn’t want it posted in the comments. I love hearing from you all…you are such an encouragement to me. Thank you!

6 comments:

Brittney said...

Wow... once again a great post Ali! You have a gift of communicating what you are feeling so well... we thought of Emma a lot this weekend - I had some pictures I showed my family, and of course driving through Rochester brings back the memories too. Thanks again for letting us share those days with your precious little girl... we are so blessed to be Aunt B and Uncle Sam... and looking forward to the day when we can hold her and play with her forever!!

Jennie said...

Ali, thanks for this post. I love your honesty & this was such a great picture of how you have been stretched in many ways over the past year. Plus how amazingly we are created to sustain so much along the way! Reminds me of 2 Corinthians 4:7 "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." Love you!

Anonymous said...

I love the stretch mark analogy. The battle scars of motherhood!! They are a wonderful reminder of such a special time that only women can experience. Emma's headstone sounds beautiful. I hope you will post pictures of it when it is finished.
Candie

Jonathan, Amanda & Luke said...

I'm so glad you are keeping us updated on how you are doing. So many people still are praying for you and want to keep hearing your updates! :) Every morning I ask God to help you and Jon through your day. Whether it's a hard day or a somewhat easier day, I pray that He gives you the strength you need. Love you!!

Anonymous said...

Ali, I can never read one of your posts without getting teary eyed. There are times when I think "could I handle that?" Well, you have been a great reminder to me, that it is not us who can do it, but only by relying on God's strength. You have a beautiful spirit, even in the small things like stretch marks you are looking at the good in it. Thank you for that!
Cayla

Mom of the Twinkies and Tot! said...

Amazing. I found your blog today while I was just hitting the "next blog" button at the top of my blogger homepage. I am totally in awe of you. You have been through so much but seem so optimistic through it all. Your entire family, from Emma to the boys to Natalee are just beautiful...and they must get it from you. I'm so glad I stumbled across your blog today.