Someone asked about seeing Emmalee's headstone...we don't have it done yet...it's still a work in progress...but we do have a butterfly marker (my mom and dad made it for her and put all her information on it) and some flowers out on her grave so here are a couple of pictures of that. Also, we are working on getting copies of Emmalee's service made for those of you who wanted it...if anyone else is interested let me know.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
A Little Scare
Hi everyone! It's Wednesday so that means it's time for an update from the Feldman's. We are doing good. This week has been a little easier...that's what time is for I guess. Although I do have to tell you that yesterday and today I had a little bit of a scare. When I was driving home last night I was rubbing the front of my chin and throat and felt a hard bump/lump under my chin towards my throat. So immediately my thoughts ran wild...have I ever felt this before...is this a part of my throat...could this really be? I think I'm a little hyper sensitive because as some of you may know my grandpa had tongue cancer and died from it and my cousin also had tongue cancer....thankfully they were able to catch hers in time and she's doing good. But I have always checked myself thoroughly because I saw what they both went through and I don't want to go through it...even though they say it's not genetic...just a fluke that two people in my family got it. So anyway...after not sleeping great I called the clinic in town to see if the ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat) doctor would have an appointment today. Well he's only in on Wednesdays and he just happen to have an opening at 1:15. So in I went. He checked me over and felt the lump. He suspects that it's a hard lymph node and that it could be caused by drainage from all the acne I have gotten from being pregnant (one of the pleasant side effects of hormones! ha!) so he put me on some acne medicine and I have to take that for a month and see if the lump disappears. He didn't seem concerned about it and said that it wasn't acting like a cyst because it didn't move around when I swallowed. So for now I'm feeling good about it...it did scare me though. I asked him if he was worried about it...he said no...but just keep an eye on it. So I'll try the medicine. I think I was a little tense because when I went to go get my meds at the drug store one of the ladies that works there asked how my baby was...and I felt like I almost lost it. The tears started coming and I was trying to push them away as I told her that she passed away. She felt so bad and I felt bad that I couldn't stop crying...I know that makes people feel even worse...but the two that were working there assured me that it was okay that I was crying...they were getting tears as well...the one gentleman then talked a little with me....wanting to know what happened...I got through that okay. So...I think I've just been a little emotional today:) All this made me start thinking about what our pastor said at Emmalee's funeral. He said something to this effect: I'm sure you were looking forward to introducing Emmalee to Jesus someday. To tell her all about him and help her grow up to love and serve Him. But now Emmalee will get to introduce you to Jesus! How cool is it that my little girl is with Jesus right now! She is in His presence at all times and she is so well loved up there. He loves her more that I can even imagine...He love us all more than I can even imagine. So as I had this little scare today I just tried to give it all to Him, knowing that He is in control of everything in my life and He has the best plans. Of course I was hoping that His plan for me was to not have to go and have something be wrong with me but if it was or is He will take care of me. And I'm still hoping that His plan for Jon and I is that we will be able to have many more children to love and hug and be able to introduce them to Jesus and tell them all about their older sister Emmalee. So for now I'm not going to worry about my little bump and I am just going to keep praying that this medicine takes care of it (and hey...at least it will help get rid of all this acne!)....so if you want to you can also pray that my little bump is nothing as well....thanks!