Emmalee's name in print

So this last week we received in the mail our copy of the Ronald McDonald House newsletter. It's such a nice newsletter...full color...glossy...like a little magazine. I really enjoy receiving it and learning what's going on there and to read the stories about the little ones who do have success stories. I think this must be a quarterly thing for them to send out...since we've only received one other one. Well this newsletter turns out to have a little more meaning for us. First of all, when I got the page of donations made there was Emmalee's name...thank you to all of you who have donated to the Ronald McDonald House in our sweet little girls name. It means so much to us to have her honored in this way. The House was so good to us and a much needed retreat from the hospital...we definitely count the House as one of our top charities to give to. And then I saw the next page...it was a page listing all the angels who had gotten their wings from March 1, 2008 - July 31, 2008...and there was Emmalee Feldman listed at the top. Oh the tears streamed down...the heart wrenching pain started...just more of a reality check to me that I have a daughter that is no longer with me. Thank goodness I do know where she is at but it is still hard! The other sad part was reading through the rest of the names...there were 7 total. Seven families...seven mom's and dad's...who are going through the same thing we are. I grieve for them knowing how hard it is. I wish I could take all their pain away from them! But I can't...I can just pray for them. Pray that God would surround them with His love and that they will know the comfort of the Great One. I hope all of you will someday feel that love, if you haven't already, that Jon and I have felt. Losing a child is not easy...but with God we are making it through and we have had many brighter days because we know Him. Take care this week...keep collecting your pop tabs...every little one helps the Ronald McDonald House with its mission! And give all your kids a big hug and kiss! Thank you!

Six Months with Jesus

I decided to post today instead of yesterday since today is the six month anniversary of Emmalee's homecoming...six months ago at 12 noon Emmalee went to meet Jesus...and she's been completely healed since then! How awesome is that. But I know today will be kinda hard for Jon and I...so at noon...if you read this today...please send up a quick prayer for us. I'm thankful that we will both be at work today...it makes it easier when we are busy. Yesterday was so gloomy out that it was a pretty good day of reflecting...just looking at her picture...what a cute little thing:) Anyway...I'm just rambling now. This six month mark is kinda surreal. At this point I was thinking that she would have had her 2nd surgery...she would have been close to coming home, if not home already, and we would have had some time with her before having another surgery because that one would have been between the ages of 2-3. But even that wouldn't have been a guarantee...she might not have survived the 2nd surgery...or the third...and from some blogs I've read...she could have developed major infections and had something completely different to deal with. So I rejoice today that my sweet baby girl does not have to endure any of that...yes...to be selfish I would say...well we could deal with that...at least we'd have Emmalee here with us...but to be completely unselfish I'm so glad that God knows what is best for each and every one of us and he chose to have Emmalee come and sit on His lap instead of mine. Well, thanks for letting me take a little time to reflect. I hope you all have a wonderful October 23!

Half a year

Can you believe that last Friday marked a half a year since Emmalee was born! I know I can't! And I'm glad that I can say that time has really flown by! We're coming up to the 6th month anniversary of her death, which I'm sure will be hard, but I'll be glad to celebrate her life as well. Wow...6 months. I was with my friends from college this last weekend and my friend Kelli had her baby, Bekah, there and she was born on April 13th, so it was kinda interesting to see a little of what Emmalee would have been doing. Actually...right about now she probably would have been recovering from her second surgery...one I'm glad she'll never have to have. People tell you time heals everything...and I think that to be true...but yet, sometimes I don't think there has been enough time yet...and maybe there never will be. I found it interesting the other day...I was showing my girlfriends the scrapbook that I had made for Emmalee and people have asked me...was that hard to make? And my answer is no...it was fun. But I think I just discovered the reason why it hasn't been so hard...she's not moving in the pictures. Now you may say...well duh Ali...but here me out. When she's in the pictures, to me, she doesn't have life...she has life in the pictures yes...but she somehow doesn't seem real to me. Now when I showed them the video of Emmalee...oh...the tears came...I had this emotion rise up in me that made me just want to sit on the floor and sob (I didn't but I wanted to)...that's when it hit me...I can look at her picture and be fine...because I realize she is dead and that was just her earthly body and she is healed and complete in Heaven...having full life up there. But when I see the video...I am reminded that she was here...with me...full of life...looking at us with those beautiful eyes...sticking her tongue out because she doesn't like the tubes...and getting little crying faces and not making a sound...yep...it's when I see her like that I think all over again...why why why...but I will know someday...her life had and is still serving a purpose...and I'm going to see all that again someday. Yea!!!!!!!!! Well I'll talk to you all later!



Oh...one more thing...my friends signed me up for Facebook...still don't know what I'm really doing on there but if you want to check me out or add me as a friend...I'm there.

Things are good

Hi everyone! Sorry I didn't post yesterday....kinda forgot! I guess that's a good thing though...it means we are doing good and life is going good, which is such a blessing! I guess all your prayers must be working! So nothing new to report...sorry to bore you all! I've been thinking of maybe starting a new blog...one where I can share other things that are happening in our lives (like how I saw New Kids On The Block when they were at the Mall of America...there mom...I put it on here:) She asked me why I didn't put that on my blog and I said...well...'cause it's Emmalee's blog so I can't put stuff on there like that...by the way...it was fun seeing them...it brought back old memories from 4th grade!). I kinda feel like this is just Emmalee's blog and I can't post anything else on it except for stuff that pertains to her...maybe that's silly...but I want her to have this one all to herself. I'll probably still post my feelings on here from time to time but feel like maybe I've aired it all out here and I'm good right now so I don't need to right now...at least not every week...the days from the 10th - 23rd I'm sure I'll have something on here...those days are always hard. Anyway...now I'm just babbling and talking (typing) out loud. So I'll see about that new blog...something for me to think about. I'm going to be leaving next Wednesday for a get together in IN with some of my girlfriends from college so I will be MIA...but I'll be back the next Wednesday...and I'll let you all know how that new blog comes together...or if it does:) You all have a good week...thanks for checking in on me!