Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Half a year

Can you believe that last Friday marked a half a year since Emmalee was born! I know I can't! And I'm glad that I can say that time has really flown by! We're coming up to the 6th month anniversary of her death, which I'm sure will be hard, but I'll be glad to celebrate her life as well. Wow...6 months. I was with my friends from college this last weekend and my friend Kelli had her baby, Bekah, there and she was born on April 13th, so it was kinda interesting to see a little of what Emmalee would have been doing. Actually...right about now she probably would have been recovering from her second I'm glad she'll never have to have. People tell you time heals everything...and I think that to be true...but yet, sometimes I don't think there has been enough time yet...and maybe there never will be. I found it interesting the other day...I was showing my girlfriends the scrapbook that I had made for Emmalee and people have asked me...was that hard to make? And my answer is was fun. But I think I just discovered the reason why it hasn't been so hard...she's not moving in the pictures. Now you may say...well duh Ali...but here me out. When she's in the pictures, to me, she doesn't have life...she has life in the pictures yes...but she somehow doesn't seem real to me. Now when I showed them the video of Emmalee...oh...the tears came...I had this emotion rise up in me that made me just want to sit on the floor and sob (I didn't but I wanted to)...that's when it hit me...I can look at her picture and be fine...because I realize she is dead and that was just her earthly body and she is healed and complete in Heaven...having full life up there. But when I see the video...I am reminded that she was here...with me...full of life...looking at us with those beautiful eyes...sticking her tongue out because she doesn't like the tubes...and getting little crying faces and not making a's when I see her like that I think all over again...why why why...but I will know someday...her life had and is still serving a purpose...and I'm going to see all that again someday. Yea!!!!!!!!! Well I'll talk to you all later! more friends signed me up for Facebook...still don't know what I'm really doing on there but if you want to check me out or add me as a friend...I'm there.


Brittney said...

Glad you had fun in Indiana Ali!

I know what you mean about pictures vs. videos... I love that you have those videos because she was always sleeping/sedated when we were visiting and it was so cool to see her in those videos... kind of helps me know her a little better if that makes sense.

Wow, it is crazy its been 6 months. Still continually praying for you and Jon!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Ali,
It is really hard for me to imagine she would be 6 mo already!
We have your family picture on our frig and a lot of times I look at them with Alissa so hopefully she will remember some family when we go home. She always is drawn to Emmalee and says "oooo baby, baby." She really loves her!
I also want to thank you because a while back you wrote in your blog to cherish and enjoy every minute with my children. Well with 2 so young and close together lets just say some days are....exhausting :) Your reminder has helped me to stop what I am needed to get done and just sit and play with them, enjoying them. I appreciate that and I am sure so do they!